Coaching, Community, and a High-Voltage Peruvian Vacation
Posted: Fri Jun 07, 2024 9:21 am
Every other year, my wife Silvia (a Peruvian) and I vacation in Lima, Peru. Our last trip was a three-month stay, running from November to January 2024. While I was away, my colleague, Peter Salazar, capably ran the sprinters' training back at Granite High School.
In Lima, Silvia was busy visiting family and friends, and we stayed with her brother Martin and his wife, the psychologist Lily. I kept my own routine by volunteering as a coach in the local community. Keeping active is key, but I also believe in the power of laughter. Research confirms that a good laugh can increase oxygen flow, boost endorphins, improve your mood, and even reduce physical pain. My friend, Doug, insisted that this particular vacation story had to be shared. He promised it would make you laugh.
The Great Taser Experiment
One evening in November, while shopping, I spotted something I thought would be perfect for Silvia, who often walks alone in the city: a pocket-sized, high-voltage taser. Its effect was advertised to be short-lived, allowing my wife adequate time to retreat to safety. Long story short, I bought it.
Back at Martin and Lily’s apartment, I loaded two AAA batteries into the device, pushed the button, and... nothing. Disappointed, I soon discovered the trick: push the button while pressing the prongs against a metal surface, and you’d get a beautiful blue arc of electricity darting back and forth.
AWESOME!
Alone in Lily’s office, I started reading the directions. I needed to test this thing out; if Silvia was going to use it to protect herself, I had to be certain it worked. Could two little AAA batteries really pack a punch? I was in a pair of shorts and a tank top, perched in the recliner with reading glasses precariously balanced on my nose. Already feeling miserable from a root canal infection, stomach pain, and diarrhea caused by antibiotics, I certainly wasn't at my sharpest.
The directions claimed:
A one-second burst would shock and disorient.
A two-second burst would cause muscle spasms and major loss of bodily control.
A three-second burst would make an assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Looking at the six-inch device, I thought, no possible way!
I reasoned that a one-second burst couldn't hurt that bad. I decided to give myself a quick zap, just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my thigh, pushed the button, and... HOLY MOTHER... WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION...
I am fairly certain the wrestler Dave Bautista ran in through the side door, picked me and the entire recliner up, and body-slammed us both onto the carpet, over and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up in the fetal position, tears in my eyes, completely soaked in sweat, with my left arm tucked under me in the oddest position, and my legs tingling.
A note of caution to all future experimenters: There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until the violent thrashing about on the floor dislodges it from your hand. A three-second burst would be considered conservative!
The Aftermath
A minute later though time was a relative thing at that point, I collected what little wits I had left and surveyed the room.
* My bent reading glasses were on the desk 12 feet away.
* The recliner was upside down and six feet from its original spot.
* My triceps and right thigh were still on fire and twitching.
* My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and I had lost control over the drooling.
* I had, apparently, crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was completely gone.
If you think education is difficult, try being stupid, crazy, or insane. The taser was a momentary, painful lapse in judgment.
In Lima, Silvia was busy visiting family and friends, and we stayed with her brother Martin and his wife, the psychologist Lily. I kept my own routine by volunteering as a coach in the local community. Keeping active is key, but I also believe in the power of laughter. Research confirms that a good laugh can increase oxygen flow, boost endorphins, improve your mood, and even reduce physical pain. My friend, Doug, insisted that this particular vacation story had to be shared. He promised it would make you laugh.
The Great Taser Experiment
One evening in November, while shopping, I spotted something I thought would be perfect for Silvia, who often walks alone in the city: a pocket-sized, high-voltage taser. Its effect was advertised to be short-lived, allowing my wife adequate time to retreat to safety. Long story short, I bought it.
Back at Martin and Lily’s apartment, I loaded two AAA batteries into the device, pushed the button, and... nothing. Disappointed, I soon discovered the trick: push the button while pressing the prongs against a metal surface, and you’d get a beautiful blue arc of electricity darting back and forth.
AWESOME!
Alone in Lily’s office, I started reading the directions. I needed to test this thing out; if Silvia was going to use it to protect herself, I had to be certain it worked. Could two little AAA batteries really pack a punch? I was in a pair of shorts and a tank top, perched in the recliner with reading glasses precariously balanced on my nose. Already feeling miserable from a root canal infection, stomach pain, and diarrhea caused by antibiotics, I certainly wasn't at my sharpest.
The directions claimed:
A one-second burst would shock and disorient.
A two-second burst would cause muscle spasms and major loss of bodily control.
A three-second burst would make an assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Looking at the six-inch device, I thought, no possible way!
I reasoned that a one-second burst couldn't hurt that bad. I decided to give myself a quick zap, just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my thigh, pushed the button, and... HOLY MOTHER... WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION...
I am fairly certain the wrestler Dave Bautista ran in through the side door, picked me and the entire recliner up, and body-slammed us both onto the carpet, over and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up in the fetal position, tears in my eyes, completely soaked in sweat, with my left arm tucked under me in the oddest position, and my legs tingling.
A note of caution to all future experimenters: There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until the violent thrashing about on the floor dislodges it from your hand. A three-second burst would be considered conservative!
The Aftermath
A minute later though time was a relative thing at that point, I collected what little wits I had left and surveyed the room.
* My bent reading glasses were on the desk 12 feet away.
* The recliner was upside down and six feet from its original spot.
* My triceps and right thigh were still on fire and twitching.
* My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and I had lost control over the drooling.
* I had, apparently, crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was completely gone.
If you think education is difficult, try being stupid, crazy, or insane. The taser was a momentary, painful lapse in judgment.